Saturday, February 25, 2012

on inevitability

I had several weird dreams last night. I dreamed I was in a cooking competition and won after I invented Spaghetti Pizza. Then my wife and I were walking around malls and talking about moving, but when we got to our place, we realized we only had two days to pack and get out. Then my old band Analog Revolution was playing a show, and, for the noise montage at the end of one of our more popular songs, I jumped on top of one of the line of tables and duckwalked its length as I created strange and annoying sounds.

I awoke with Micheal Jackson's "Man in the Middle" stuck in my head. After laying with my wife in my arms for a seven and a half minutes, we heard my girl cry out. I got up real quick, closed the door (so my wife could get a bit more rest), pulled on my dirty clothes, yanked a bottle out of the fridge, went to grab my girl...and she was back asleep. So I decided to eat breakfast while I could and check the interwub. I fired up the computer, and when my e-mail appeared, the top message was from my sister, telling me it looked (from the last photo of me and my daughter) like I wasn't getting enough sleep. An adequate amount of it even possible?

As soon as I sat down and tucked into my Greek yogurt and granola (made last night, with dried cranberries, raisins, and dried blueberries--party!), the MJ song went away, replaced by "Banditos" by The Refreshments...a much more appropriate choice for my mood lately, particularly as my frontal cortex was focusing on the line "Everybody knows that the world is full of stupid people." Think about that for more than a second, and you will know the kind of week I just had.

I'm busy beyond belief. I'm so dumped with work, chores, and tasks that I feel I may never emerge. I'm simultaneously being judged and being ignored. My mood is back to that as reflected in my November blog posts. I'm bursting with stuff to say and unsure of when I will have the time to say it. I have been making loud noises with my guitar and effects pedal army not nearly enough. I am behind on projects galore. I feel, in short, as if I've been knocked off the path permanently and have utterly lost any sense of direction.

I know I've always been in similar circumstances. I just thought things would eventually change. I keep forgetting, though: optimism is for chumps.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've gotta say, it's scary how many parallels I see between your last night and mine. Except baby#2 stayed awake b/c his horrid cold is making it awfully hard for him to do anything else. As near as I can tell, aside from a really short week of like 35 hours around christmas time, I've been doing 50-65-hour weeks, dealing with child health issues minor and possibly very major, and generally feeling like I'm at risk of being ground right into the ground for something like a minimum of 26 weeks. Before that, things were just challenging.
Last night I was blissed-out while dancing to Banditos & and a couple other Refreshments tracks when I actually took a few minutes between my tenth hour of grading (and at least 13th ten-plus-hour word day in a row) and the crap-shoot that is supper with a 2.5-yr-old and sick 7 mo.-old and enjoyed my wonderful eldest son for what he is. I have never been so tired for so long. Prelims were hard. This is relentless. I wouldn't trade much of what I have, but, my God in heaven, I am weary. I wish you and Lori strength.

Oakwood Breweries West: partying clean and sober for five and a half years. Purveyors of diluted juices, over-priced baby formula, and cofee. Lots of coffee, whether my nerves can handle it or not.