Saturday, April 13, 2013

on wanting to constantly interrupt

I have a lovely kid.  She is utterly awesome, and I realize I am incredibly lucky that I get to spend most days with her.  We play and have fun.The days, however, come with what I have to admit is a fairly sizable drawback:  it means that I have to watch a certain amount of children's programming.

Don't get me wrong.  It's not like we just sit around glued to the television.  And it's not like all the shows are terrible.  Jack's Big Music Show is actually quite awesome.  It's well-constructed and a little off-the-wall.  It's surprisingly kind of has a little bit of a Muppets vibe.  So of course it was canceled after three seasons. 

(Incidentally, this is an example of what I call the Firefly rule:  the quality level of a program is inversely proportional to how long said show will be on the air before being canceled.)

Many of the kid's shows, however, are quite nerve-wracking.  How would you like to sit through a program featuring British pigs who snort every ten seconds, accompanied by the world's most intrusive narrator, with opening credits every five minutes?  That, friends, is Peppa Pig, and it is even more horrible than one might expect.  Sadly, though, it is not the most annoying show on the air.

Regardless of the overall program quality, they all usually share some fairly annoying traits.  For example, the characters will frequently ask the kids watching questions about the action.  This I understand;  interaction is good.  The questions need to be at a toddler level of difficulty.  I also understand this point, as the kids need to be able to answer the questions.  However, it still inevitably makes all the characters act like complete idiots...and this is one of the (many) things I have to just grit my teach and bare.

This requires a lot of patience on my part....and if you know me, you know that patience is not one of my highest virtues.  I really don't want to be a father who mocks his kid's favorite shows.  This would make me an ass when I would rather be a good parent.  So instead, I hold it in.

Lately, though, I've been thinking I need a release.  Maybe I could start a Mystery Science 3000-esque show, but one focused on kids shows rather than bad films.  There is certainly no end to the potential for mockery with kiddie programs.  I can also (believe it or not) be quite humorous if I want, so this is something I could really pull off. 

On the downside, though, I'm not really sure there's a market for a parent being a tremendous jerk. 

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