Sunday, February 01, 2015

TheMikeDuBose luck

I've been going to the gym. I'm say this for the purpose of this narrative, not in an "I'm a non-drinking vegetarian who uses natural cleansing products, cooks his own food, and now I exercise, and this makes me better than you" brag...although the latter statement is 100% true...just sayin'. I have arthritis in one shoulder, and exercise helps lessen the effect. Plus, to be fair, I could stand to lose some tonnage. But the reason I mention any of this is that it accurately illustrates my luck.

First, there's my workout cycle. By this, I mean the process of forcing myself to get to the damn gym for an hour of torture. Then the shame and agony of my gym recovery period. Then all of this happening until, miracle of miracles, I get in the habit of working out. Then, quite naturally, I get a cold...every single damn time. This cold sidelines me just enough to push me right out of the habit of working out. Rinse, repeat. So, I figure I have about two more weeks before I get sick or pull a muscle or something. But I'm gonna keep trying...because I'm stubborn like that.

Today, though, I got a graphic demonstration of my luck. It's snowing here. There's a storm warning and everything; in fact, they say we should get around eight inches before it stops. So, on the way out to the gym, I figured it would be very decent of me indeed if I were to brush the snow off mine and my wife's car...get a head start, such as it is.  Plus I had to grab my mp3 player out of my car anyway, because the sound of my panting is bad enough on its own.

I get my mp3 player and then make quick work of both cars. I walk to the gym (which is in our complex) and start to unbundle. When I dig for my mp3 player, though, I don't have it. So,
  1. I search each pocket about five times before rebundling and heading back out to my car. 
  2. I tear apart the inside of my car and find nothing. 
  3. I look on the snow around my car. 
  4. I look on the snow around my wife's car. 
  5. I check my pockets again.
  6. I go back to my car and start kicking the snow around in case my player got covered. 
  7. I then do the same thing at my wife's car. 
  8. I go back and re-sift though the snow by my car. 
  9. I go back to my wife's car. 
  10. I then go back to the gym in case it just fell out as I was getting unbundled. 
  11. I go back to the snow around my wife's car...
  12. ...and then around my car. 
  13. I check inside my car again. 
  14. I start resigning myself to the fact that it's probably gone.
  15. I check my pockets again
  16. I curse (not for the first time, I might add). 
  17. I check around my wife's car again. 
  18. I wonder how on earth I'm ever going to find the money for another player
  19. I go back and look again around my car.
  20. I say out loud, "of course. Why should I expect any different? Why even be surprised? Damnit."
  21. I then see the mp3 player clearly sitting on top of the snow.
Miraculously, the player worked from the minute I dried it off...but then I had to take about fifteen minutes to calm down. I do my workout and finally return home, two whole hours after I left.

The thing is, however, that if you ever ask me how my day has been going, I probably always have this kind of story ready to go.

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