Tuesday, January 31, 2017

on aging, 1/31

Physically, there are many changes that happen when you get older. I'm not talking about the expected ones, like hair falling out (pause to run my hands through my still full hair) or turning grey (pause to look at the cool grey streaks in my beard). No, everyone knows and expects these. The ones I'm talking about are much weirder.

When people get older, their ears grow and droop. I'm lucky enough not to notice this one personally, but it does strike some interesting thoughts. Mainly, I have to reconsider the idea of young people who wear ear weights and stretchers. Are they just trying to look like senior citizens? Wouldn't it be easier to just wear hiked up pleated pants?

The other one was something I really did not expect. It seems as you get older, you feet also get wider. They spread out. Simultaneously, most people also shrink as they get older. I don't know if the two are related or not. Personally, I don't think I've yet shrunk (shrank? Shrinked? I don't know, and I'm a writing teacher). But it's not like I go around measuring myself
I do know, however, that my feet are wider. This makes shoe-shopping (which always was a pain due to my large feet) even more difficult than usual. Most places don't carry extra wide shoes, and it's not like I have my own boot maker a la the John Galsworthy story "Quality" (although that would be cool, and I would be much less a jerk than that protagonist).

It has, however, allowed me to see aphorisms in a new light. More specifically, I now know why I am incapable of walking a mile in someone shoes. It's impossible. My feet are just too damn big to fit.
This does, however, leave an unanswered question. If older people shrink and get wider feet, then logically, they should have a lower center of gravity. So why are us old people so vulnerable to falling? Clearly more research is needed, and I might be the man for the job.

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